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Shame on My Alma Mater
Well, my high school made internet news as well as the local news the other day. For Bishop McDevitt High School (in Harrisburg, PA and not Wyncote, PA), prom presumably celebrated Friday 6 May. I say presumably because all the pictures came up immediately that night and the day after, and also because the story broke that night on the local ABC channel (ABC 27).
For those of you who don’t click the link (because I know most of you don’t), the story is that Aniya (“Ah-n-ya”) Wolf, a student at Bishop McDevitt High School and an “out” lesbian, was rejected from her high school prom because she had worn a suit. From the information I can gather, the dress code for the prom was administered 3 months beforehand, but there was no mention that Wolf could or couldn’t wear a suit to the prom.Wolf’s mother tried to appeal, but evidently failed. However, according to one (who shall remain anonymous for his safety) of my friends who went to the same high school, Miss Wolf had gone to the Snowflake (my high school’s winter formal) in a suit with no repercussions and without ejection from the dance.
Still, Miss Wolf arrived at prom in her suit and was promptly told that she would not be admitted, and, according to her, if she refused to leave, the police would escort her off the premise. This didn’t happen, or otherwise, it would be bigger news, and ABC27 had attempted to reach Bishop McDevitt for a statement, to which it responded that it had no comment at the time. However, the following evening, the administration issued the following statement:
Bishop McDevitt High School held its annual prom on Friday, May 6, 2016.
Without question, we love, respect and cherish all of our students.
The dress code for the prom specified girls must wear formal dresses. It also stated that students who failed to follow the dress code would not be admitted.
The full dress code policy was sent to parents about three months ago. A reminder was sent to all students on March 6. On Friday afternoon, when it was brought to the attention of the school administration that a female student was planning to wear a tuxedo, we contacted her mother in hopes we could resolve the situation.
It’s important to note that students who haven’t adhered to the dress code in past years haven’t been admitted to the prom.
Bishop McDevitt will continue to practice acceptance and love for all of our students. They are tremendous young men and women. We simply ask that they follow the rules that we have put into place.
It makes me sad that I’m writing about my school like this. I understood that, being a Catholic institution, that it was going to be conservative by most standards, but it was always kind, always helpful, if a little strict. I suppose, though, as a cis-hetero (if not white) male, it afforded me the advantages not given to my SAGA/LGBT brothers and sisters.
As my friend (whom I mentioned above) said, “For me, much of the rosy memories of high school are suddenly replaced with the memories of lgbt students at McDevitt being ignored when they were bullied, and senior year religion classes in which our teacher stood in front of the class and fed us intellectually dishonest and patently false statistics that not so softly suggested that lesbian and gay individuals, like a few in the actual class, were products of either child abuse, rape, or some other traumatic experience.”
My issue here isn’t that of the enforcement of the rules. It is a private institution independent of the state and therefore doesn’t necessarily have to follow discrimination laws (as horrendously unfortunate as that sounds). It has the right to enforce the rules as it wishes, and take the measures necessary to see them enforced.
My issue is with the rules themselves. The amount of clothing worn or not worn is not indicative of morality. If anything, it has more to do with the level of comfort and confidence an individual has. The type of clothing, again, has no bearing on one’s morality and ethics, and it is a far leap to assume that someone scantily clad has poor morals (for example, the child molesters of our society).
The amount or type of clothing also has no bearing on one’s sexual activity: as many people have pointed out, if women are raped wearing coats and boots, then the problem isn’t with the women, it’s with the men and our collective inability to teach men self-control, and our collective mindset of vilifying women simply for the fact that they are women. The rules based on clothing, especially in western society, are arbitrary. Women can wear clothing that identifies them as women, that accentuates their “assets” as women, but at the same time, we vilify, mock, humiliate, and otherwise destroy her confidence.
At the same time, we vilify, mock, and humiliate when women decide to cover up. We take them down and destroy them for daring to take control of their own bodies and to control what people see and how much. In short, we as a society are raping our young women, and get angry when they try to take back control. Miss Aniya Wolf tried to take back control and was immediately struck down because she was so audacious as to step outside of the boundaries of “the norm”. Add in the fact that she is a so-called “butch” lesbian and oh my God, someone call the cops because she isn’t normal.
There is nothing wrong with a woman in a suit. In fact, many women can pull off suits better than I can. There is also nothing wrong with a man in a dress. Once again, clothing does not dictate morality. It does not dictate one’s level of faith or religiosity. If the argument is based on modesty, then if she were not modest enough, not one girl at that prom (nor any other for that matter) would be “modest” enough.
Modesty is a socially constructed idea designed to keep our young women trapped underfoot, to keep them ignorant and uneducated about sex, to teach them that they are responsible for not only their so-called “purity” but their husbands’, their boyfriends’,their fiances’ as well. In other words, it relieves men of the responsibility for their sexual actions. In cases of rape, not only is the rapist punished, but the victim as well: by the legal system, by society, by friends, family, and peers. All by virtue of having her “virtue” taken.
It puts undue stress and pressure on them when as a society, we should be promoting knowledge and education, not ignorance and abstinence. We need to teach people that they’re human beings with sentience, not objects for pleasure, or outright animals who have no idea of consent. We should be teaching our young men that they have the ability to control their actions, not just that “evolution programmed” them that way. We need to teach them that no means no. We need to teach young women that they have the right to say no. That they are (or should be) empowered to make their own decisions, to dress how they wish, to be as sexually active as they wish, without fear of repercussion or judgment.
As for my school, I wanted to address that final statement: “Bishop McDevitt will continue to practice acceptance and love for all of our students. They are tremendous young men and women. We simply ask that they follow the rules that we have put into place.” By rejecting Miss Wolf’s choice to dress in a tuxedo to go to her prom, you rejected part of who she is. As she and her mother said multiple times, she has dressed like a boy since she was little. She felt comfortable and happy with the clothes she wore. She felt comfortable and happy in a suit she wore to Snowflake. She felt comfortable and happy with the slacks and Oxford shirt and tie, or the polo as required by the school uniform. In what way is this different from either of those examples?
By rejecting her clothing choices, you rejected her choice to express who she is and how she feels. You made her feel like “a mistake”. That isn’t acceptance. That isn’t love. Alma Mater means bounteous or nurturing mother. You were neither bounteous nor nurturing. You were discriminatory. You acted in bigotry. You were outright hateful.
What’s Wrong With Feminism? — A Humanist’s Critique Part 2
But what about other arguments like objectification? If we men cannot appreciate your beauty (in a reasonable manner, not in a condescending “you should be happy I’m looking at you, you fucking bitch” attitude), then you shouldn’t be allowed to drool over muscled men with chiseled abs and larger than average penis. You are objectifying us, and in fact make the average man (like myself) feel ashamed of his body shape.Stop the double standard. If you wear something that makes you look attractive, then we (regardless of gender) are allowed to look. If you feel unwarrantedly threatened (i.e. no one has made gestures, movements, or implicitly or explicitly said that they wanted to sexually assault you), then that’s on you.
But the most toxic experience of Tumblr feminism is the vitriol and the absolute hatred toward men:
When a man tells me to edit my language to make him feel more comfortable when I’m discussing a social issue, he is telling me that his feelings are paramount to what I’m trying to discuss.
Calling all men dogs is seriously offensive to dogs.
The moral of maleficent is don’t trust men, drop them from towers.
TO ALL MEN WHO FEEL THEY DESERVE MORE RIGHTS: I have several hundred gatorade bottles filled with piss. Please come by my garage, take one, and pour it all over your head. You now have all the rights of a piss-baby-crybaby-piss-fuck covered in piss. Kneel down and clap your hands together and thank me for your piss transformation.
To be honest, I don’t care how patriarchy hurts men because I don’t care about men.
Misandrist Life Tip #2: Want the retro red-lipped look, but don’t want to spend money? Slay the next man who looks at your tits instead of your face, and apply his blood liberally. Also works great as nail polish!
Granted, I’ve picked out some of the worst comments on Tumblr. I admit that there are a great many that have no mention of men at all, or even speaking positively in favor of men. But this kind of language is doing no favors for the feminist movement. It invalidates men. It goes against common sense that to alienate the party to which you’re trying to make yourself equal. The hashtag “#notallmen” was used some time ago, but that was dismissed by the feminist movement–why?
I’ll use the example of rape: feminists say that we have to teach boys not to rape girls, that they have to respect girls’ bodies. Doesn’t that demonize the male sex and make the default position of men rapists and attackers? By that argument alone, it implies in people’s minds that men have no right to talk when they are the aggressors. I was never taught not to rape girls. I have raped the exact amount of people I wanted to rape: absolutely ZERO. This argument makes men seem inhuman.
This kind of tactic invalidates many of the problems that men face but are never brought to life such as body image, domestic abuse, male rape (even that phrase, male rape, as if we have to validate that men get raped too), divorce privilege. This kind of tactic diminishes or outright negates my ability as a male to voice opinions and critiques.
My last critique can be made of any leaderless movement. Without a leader, movements become multifaceted and undefined. The popular feminist will argue for social equality while the misandrist will likely, “I don’t give a fuck about men, let them die for all I care.” And there will always be arguments about what “true” feminism is, and here the No True Scotsman fallacy rears its ugly head. Who’s to say what the right definition of feminism is? We have people out there like Anita Sarkeesian, but very few feminists have heard of her, let alone know who she is. Emma Watson is a speaker and a pop culture figure, but I don’t think I can count her as a leader. Felicia Day, once again, a pop and geek culture figure who gives feminism good PR, but doesn’t really lead the movement. It just doesn’t work. Leaders lead their movement, and show them where they go astray. They give voice and direction. Without leaders, it becomes a vast, tumultuous, overcrowded shouting match where no one is heard but the loudest, and is usually the extremists.
All of that being said, I do agree with the feminist movement overall. I do want there to be equal opportunities for men and women. I want to see more women in political power. I want there to be equal pay. I want everyone to have the right to bodily self-determination, which includes the right to have an abortion and the right to euthanasia. I believe that feminism should exist for the purpose of fighting back misogyny (although not its only purpose).
I want to be able to openly and confidently discuss ideas and have respectful dissension in this movement (indeed, any movement). Men must, indeed, “feel welcome to participate in the conversation” about gender issues. But very few will do so if that “conversation” amounts to being told to “shut up and listen” while women talk about the horrible things men do to women, and being labeled a misogynist for daring to point out that bad things happen to men too and that women are not always innocent victims in gender conflicts. But the way Tumblr is now, I don’t think it’s possible.
There’s a reason why many companies and businesses cater and advertise on social media. It’s a powerful vehicle for change to occur. Feminism should be able to use this vehicle, but it has predominantly white, cisgender or homosexual women with higher education. It has little representation in terms of people of colour, people who lack basic to high school education. (I guess in this way, it’s a hell of a lot like atheism.) It discriminates against men instead of uniting both men and women.
I am a person. I shouldn’t be discriminated against for who I love, for my biological anatomy, for my place in society, for what gender I identify as, for what I want to do with my life, for my thoughts, for my words, for my actions. I should be treated with respect because I am a human being.
Isn’t that what feminism is supposed to be fighting for?
For more to read on feminist criticisms and feminist discussions, click the links below:
http://time.com/3432838/emma-watson-feminism-men-women/
http://thezerothlaw.tumblr.com/post/92382226252/why-tumblr-feminism-is-misguided
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/1yd96m/what_are_your_thoughts_on_tumblr_feminism/
What’s Wrong With Feminism? — A Humanist’s Criticism: Part 1
As my readers can probably tell, I’m on social media a lot, mainly Facebook and YouTube, with the occasional toe-dipping into Tumblr, Twitter, and Instagram territory. There’s a page on Facebook called “The Best of Tumblr” which posts screenshots on a semi-regular basis (probably posting and re-posting about 20 pictures a day). Some of them are just general humor and Tumblr culture, most of them are simply smashing you in the face with whatever meme that happens to be popular that week or that month. But every now and then, something vaguely or remotely feminist (I think in this case, I prefer the term egalitarian), and the trolls come out of the woodwork to label the post as “FEMINAZI!” or something similar. Unfortunately, I don’t think they’re far from the mark, but not for the reasons they seem to think.
Tumblr feminism incenses me. It makes me angry. And I’ve written about this before in one of my earliest posts. Because Tumblr feminism is exactly what is poisoning the feminist movement. That is why people don’t tend to take feminists seriously. They’re more likely to take a secular humanist seriously, and that’s because TFs (Tumblr feminists) have painted themselves into a corner. According to Business Insider, Tumblr boasted a total of 34 million monthly contributors, 46% of which are between the ages of 16 and 24. In the United States, that translates to sophomore and junior high schoolers to students in graduate school, and probably a good number of them have no jobs. I’ll explain why that’s a point later. According to SearchEngineJournal.com, Tumblr is more popular than Facebook for 13-25 year olds. Again, that number hits the mark between high school and graduate school ages.
The teen and tween years are right around that age where kids begin imbibing and embodying ideologies. Because it’s the information age, the ideologies now come less from parents and more from worldwide internet users. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a percentage of how much of Tumblr is about feminism. I’m using the demographic numbers because I believe that it plays a huge role. And before feminists start preaching at me, I know what your definition of feminism is. I know it, I understand it, and I agree with it. However, my main issue is that Tumblr (and other social media aimed at young people) is not the arena in which to debate it. Because of almost 50% of Tumblr users are below the age of 30 (66% in fact are below 35), it becomes a shouting match akin to teenagers bloviating about their knowledge when they have little to none.
I don’t like what goes on on Tumblr, and it’s inescapable because it’s fucking everywhere. It’s coming from girls ages 13-25 who probably never met true oppression a day in their lives. They’re embodying an ideology to which they have no knowledge. It’s coming from girls who have no perspective, who are navel-gazing and spout what sound like good ideals, but then fail to live them out. It makes them feel good, but it does absolutely jack shit for the people they’re supposedly defending.I could ignore it if it were just that “tween” demographic, except it’s not. It’s high school through college, and even transitioning into the years where you’re going into the work force.
They look at feminist ideologies and shout, “YES! That’s me in every word!” Except it’s not. It happens, but not to the extent that feminists purport it to be, and it’s not happening to -them-. At least, not yet. If you actually look at feminist ideology, it’s ass-backward.
For example, take so-called female empowerment. The argument goes: 1) men make us feel weak, helpless, threatened, etc.; 2) feminism empowers us; 2a) feminism empowers us because it validates our victimhood 3) therefore you (as a woman) should be a feminist. Except that argument is circular. It doesn’t make sense. You are empowering yourself through your status as a victim–how?
Or going back to that age demographic: 13-25 years old. Even better, let’s cut down that percentage, 16-25 (for the people who happen to enter college or university early). You are attending higher education. You have the opportunity to make your own future. In what way are you being oppressed? At age 18, you can vote in the United States. You’re allowed to wear what you want, attach whatever piercings and tattoos to your face and body. You can legally work. You can largely live as you wish. In what way are you oppressed? The majority of United States feminists are white, middle-class, with at the very least high school and some college education. In what way are you oppressed?
Are you being catcalled? Offensive, yes. Oppressive? No.
Are you being ogled at by men? Offensive, yes. Oppressive? No.
You are free to take whatever course of action you choose. You can slap him, you can taser him, you can kick him in the balls, and you would be justified in doing so. But you cannot call yourself oppressed. You know who are oppressed? Muslim women in certain Middle Eastern countries who legally can’t drive. Who aren’t allowed an education, who can’t afford an education. Women in Africa who are forced to pump out children every year because there is such a high infant mortality rate. Those women are oppressed.
However, before you get too incensed, I am not invalidating your individual experiences. What I’m saying is, keep things in perspective. First world society has poisoned the majority of us into believing that what we have should be the standard when in fact, men and women particularly those in developed countries (e.g. the United States, the UK, and most of Western Europe) are in fact, privileged. Anything you don’t need in order to survive, including TV (and cable and digital), Wifi, cell phones, gaming consoles, computers, Kobe beef, 20lb turkeys, 3lb boxes of bacon, and countless other things. This is the first world, where we have all the comforts we could possibly want and still complain.
Victim Blaming
Let’s define the terms first. So what is victim blaming? Seems the name is rather self-explanatory, but for those who still don’t understand, it is when the victim of a crime is blamed rather than the perpetrator. On the other side is the victim complex, which is when the perpetrator insists that he or she did nothing wrong, that they are being wrongly blamed or persecuted when in fact they are, beyond reasonable doubt, guilty. I’ll be covering that subject on a later date.
So what exactly am I on about? Well, for some insane reason, there are people (like my father) who blamed Michael Brown when the police officer is clearly the murderer. In a video released by CNN that can be found on YouTube, two men were out on the street protesting the shooting just shortly after it happened, and their report corroborated with the other witnesses’ reports as well. According to reports, he was shot twice, then raised his hands and shouted, “Okay, okay, okay!” There was no warning to get onto the ground, just more shots. More guilt and blood are now on Darren Wilson’s hands. And yet, Wilson now remains unindicted, even though there is more than enough evidence to at least bring him to trial.
And so we blame the victim. “He deserved to get shot and die. He did x, y, and z.” You racist asshole. The man was unarmed and surrendered, but there was no warning as he was gunned down. He was clearly not a threat.
But of course, there’s other places where victim blaming is applied. Rape is another big thing that we should be aware of. Personally, I am immersed in feminist culture. And the blame is shifted from the men onto the women constantly. Do you know what women are asked when reporting their cases? “What were you wearing? Did you provoke him? Did you give him any reason to approach you?” Sickening, right?
Or take the fairly recent events of The Fappening and The Snappening back in about October. They were events in which databases were hacked and nude photos and celebrities were stolen and distributed to the internet. Several thousand photos and about several gigabytes worth of photos and videos were leaked. Similarly, The Snappening were leaked Snapchat photos and videos that were supposedly safe. Teen girls who had sent their pictures in confidence now had their dignity stolen and their lives potentially ruined because they were now on the internet and depending on their age, could actually be charged for possession and distribution of child pornography.
But what was the overwhelming outcry against this? “They shouldn’t have done it in the first place.” That, ladies and gentlemen, is victim blaming at its finest. Don’t blame the ones who did something wrong. Blame the ones whose lives and public image are ruined by a hacker taking what was never his in the first place and then distributing it somewhere where it is irrevocable.
The response that they shouldn’t have done it in the first place is irrelevant. The response that rape victims should have worn different clothes is irrelevant. Why? Because women should be allowed their own autonomy. Women should be allowed to do what they want to do within the limits of law and reason without being scared to do so. They should be able to comfortable walk the streets at night without another man, a taser, or a can of mace. Women should be allowed to send pictures of themselves their significant others without worry that their pictures will be hacked into and leaked for all the world to see. And therein lies our fault. Despite efforts in the past 90+ years, we as a society are still keeping women oppressed and afraid.
And don’t blame the internet either. The internet, like any other tool, has no intent. The intent comes from a sentient being, and in this case, that would be us. We apply intent, whether benign or malicious. I use the internet for research, YouTube, blogging, keeping in touch with friends, and social justice, among other things. Others would use it to distribute videos of executions, scare tactics, warmongering, rape, violence. They would use it for the destruction of lives. And because of the globalization of the internet, there is potentially nowhere a person could go if they are recognized in an unwillingly or unknowingly distributed pornographic video. There is no sanctuary, there’s no peace and solace from those that would hound you, make fun of you, or even demand that you make more videos. Isn’t it sickening?
To bring it full circle, I want to bring it back to Michael Brown. I’ve had similar comments made to me when the subject was brought up, and I agree with them. This has been happening a long time before the Brown case ever exploded in Ferguson. And unfortunately, we never get news coverage of it. Why? Because it seemed normal to us. Or at least to those who saw it on a daily basis. Cop guns down a black guy? Who cares, right? They probably deserved it. But ask yourselves. Where did they live? What was their situation? Was it fair that they were struggling with their lives, all the while facing constant racism from middle class white privilege? We fail as a society because we turn a blind eye to the injustices among us. And it doesn’t help that news media only serves to sensationalize and fan the flames.
Victim blaming shouldn’t have ever become a “thing.” It should never have been part of our society. But unfortunately, it is. And we don’t even see it. Ask yourselves. Is this fair? Is this just? If you say yes, then I want you to get the hell off my blog, and never come back.
Answers in Philosophy 
